Some guy thought it was a good idea to train monkeys to do Tae Kwon Do. I can understand where he’s coming from- I mean, what’s more awesome than owning a bunch of monkeys that can whoop ass like Chuck Norris?

I hear this and I’m asking myself: “How could this situation possibly have a downside?” Well, if your troop of trained chimps decide to revolt, you’re in for a heapin’ helping of hurt, and that’s just what this guy got.

You’ve all heard what monkeys are capable of- I mean, you get enough of them together with a typewriter and they can write Shakespeare. That’s pretty badass considering that they don’t even have a written language. Now imagine what happens if you train them to fight? They’re gonna go all ‘leaping monkey, pissed off trainer’ on your ass, that’s what happens.

Check out the actual freaking news story right here, motherlickers!

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Get the MP3 Here —>     Biomechanical Beast

From there, I suggest you find a something with really big speakers and turn it up.

Dirigible

Got a new song for you today. The link up there is your ticket to the audio file. I’ll have the real hitman monkey picture up here eventually as well.  Also, here’s the wiki on airships. Yay.

Hitman Monkey’s Crazy Uncle: TNT Monkey.

Hitman Monkey Joins A Biker Gang

Here’s hitman monkey when he’s not on the job- as you can see, he’s drowning his sorrows with beer.